My Advice for Moms of Pregnant Teens

So, your teenage daughter is pregnant (or your teenage son will soon be a dad), now what?

First things first, just breathe. It’s going to be ok, or it’s not. Having a fit and coming unhinged changes NOTHING. The only thing you have control of is your attitude. That’s it. Nothing else.

So, here is my non-professional advice once you find out your teenager is having a baby:

1.       Shut up and listen. I am a planner and a talker and a fixer. But I really needed to listen to what the Princess was feeling. I needed to hear what she had to say about all of this. This was not my story, this was hers. The only way I could know what she needed from me, was for her to tell me. Teens aren’t very good at sharing to begin with. If you are doing all the talking, you are never going know what’s going on in that head.

2.       DO NOT say hurtful things. If you already did, apologize. Telling her she is stupid or irresponsible, or inconsiderate, or a disappointment, or a whore or slut or a million other terrible things changes nothing. She is still your daughter and she is still pregnant. You being pissed and saying hurtful, unnecessary things won’t make her less pregnant. It only destroys your relationship with your child.

Of course, you are upset and there are things you need to say. Say them privately to someone who you trust to not say anything. Talk to your spouse or a therapist or your friends. Just be sure that you don’t allow your child to hear you vent. What you feel in the heat of the moment may be completely different than what you feel when you have had time to think about it.

3.       Be prepared for the judgment and negative talk. This is especially true if you live in a small southern town. Regardless of her decisions or your support or lack thereof, someone will disagree with you. They will say you are making bad choices. Their kids can no longer hang around with your kids (apparently pregnancy is contagious or something). It will be heartbreaking, but you will survive. Do not let other people’s opinions make your choices. Do not let someone’s negativity steal your joy. It’s not fair to you, your children, or your future grandchildren.

4.       Have the difficult talk early. The one where you discuss adoption, abortion and all the options. This is not a fun talk. Realistically, teens are not emotionally mature enough to make these decisions. You have to be there to talk to them and explain all of the options and consequences of each of those choices. Abortion is not an option for our family, but it was a question I asked anyway. The reality is, it isn’t my choice. It’s not my body or my future or my heartbreak. Thankfully, it wasn’t the choice she made. Neither was adoption.

Once you have had the conversation and your daughter has made a choice, it is time to talk about things like school, doctors, college, and future plans. Have these talks early and often. Things are constantly changing and plans can be adjusted, but communication is a must. Pretending like she’s not pregnant for 9 months doesn’t help anyone.

This journey is going to be a tough one. There are so many options and opinions and choices that it can make your head spin off. There are hormones and mood swings and fear and anxiety. Your world will be turned upside down. If you decide to love your daughter or son through this, it will work out. There will be heartbreak and you will grieve for the childhood that is lost; but you get to watch your young lady grow into a mother. You will have an opportunity to experience a great blessing that each child is.

And if you decide that you want to disown your kid and kick them out, please know that I think you are a piece of shit. Just wanted you to know. J

Linked up at the Following Blogs:

This Momma's Rambling - Turn it Up Tuesday
A Momma's Story  - Momma Moments Monday