Baby Shower aka Over the Top Extravaganza

So, we had a baby shower on Saturday. I have stressed and stressed and stressed about wanting it to be perfect. I wanted to be sure that my 16 year old knew that we were happy and she should not be ashamed. She decided to have this baby and that was reason to celebrate. Y'all, we celebrated.

Here are some photos of our event:

We had guests sign a matted photo of Peanut's sonogram picture, in lieu of a guest book. We also asked that everyone self address an envelope. In the day of social media, text messaging, and facetiming, we realized there were a lot of mailing addresses we didn't have. And in the south, hand written thank you notes are a must.

The gifts, wow at all the gifts. She got so many and actually no duplicates at all.

As a Thank You to all of our guests, we had cupcakes with a sucker with a "thank you" sticker on it.

  

We used simple milk glass with hydrangeas as the table centerpieces.

 We had a nice spread of quiches, pinwheels, cheese balls, hot dips,crackers, and cucumber sandwiches. The Princesses just had to have cucumber sandwiches.

We had a candy buffet. There are blue Laffy Taffy, because when the Princess is craving something, she just needs it! :)

Of course, there were petifores. What baby shower would be complete without petifores?

The cake, oh wow, the cake! It was wonderful. The top tier was chocolate and the bottom was plain white. It was delicious and beautiful!

This was our center table. I think it turned out beautifully. It was exactly the look we were going for.

The Magic Fades a.k.a. The Prince Turns into a Frog

Normally, I am very realistic when it comes to expectations. I know there are things in life that I can rely on, no matter how much I wish for better situations. Such as:

Super Brother will not clean his room to my standards.
Baller will not clean his room at all.
Princess will clean only a portion of her room, and definitely not the portion that is in the selfies she posts on social media.
I know that snow melts and warm breezes don't last into fall.
I know that puppies turn into dogs, and cute little chickens crap on your patio.

I'm a realist. I've got this. But the fallout between the Princess and the Prince caught me off guard. Mostly, I think because I was in planner, helper, saver mode and somewhere lost my sense of reality. Everyone knows that young love does not often stand the test of time. Then, throw in increased responsibility, immaturity, and a pregnancy, and it's just a recipe for disaster.

Hurtful words were said, ridiculous status were updated (or liked or favorited or whatever they do on the social media it was done on), texts were swapped, and threats were made. It's hard enough wading through a heartbreak with a teenager, but when it is with someone who they are now connected to forever, it's that much more difficult.

Honestly, I don't think they were ever long term relationship bound. They liked each other and they maybe even loved each other, but they were in two seperate places, going in opposite directions. That rarely ever works.

Now, I worry about my little single momma. Now what? Will there be custody and legal fights? Will there be attorneys and court costs? Will she ever trust someone with Peanut? Will anyone ever be good enough for her in my eyes? If they are, will they be good enough for Peanut? Y'all I worry.

It's hard being a parent of a teenager. It's even harder being a parent of a pregnant teenager who broke up with her Prince because after much evaluation, he turned out to be a frog. I want to fix her hurt, and heal her pain. I can't. I've got to let her work through this issue on her own, because that's part of growing up. All I can do, is be there for her and listen as she talks (and suggest she NOT post that on Facebook).

The magic fades, and sometimes a prince turns into a frog. But sometimes, those things are for the best. The reality I see of a young woman determined to be the best mom, supporter, provider, and nurturer there has ever been makes proud. She is ok with doing it by herself, and even the realist in me believes she will succeed beyond even her expectations.

Disclaimer:
The Prince may not actually be a frog. He may, in fact, be a fine Prince. However, he has hurt my Princess, which makes him a royal poo-poo head in my court. I am not saying anyone was right or wrong or the break-up wasn't the best thing for everyone involved. We will continue to insist that everyone be polite to the frog, because he is Peanut's dad. However, we are still allowed to think not nice thoughts when in private. 

My Advice for Moms of Pregnant Teens

So, your teenage daughter is pregnant (or your teenage son will soon be a dad), now what?

First things first, just breathe. It’s going to be ok, or it’s not. Having a fit and coming unhinged changes NOTHING. The only thing you have control of is your attitude. That’s it. Nothing else.

So, here is my non-professional advice once you find out your teenager is having a baby:

1.       Shut up and listen. I am a planner and a talker and a fixer. But I really needed to listen to what the Princess was feeling. I needed to hear what she had to say about all of this. This was not my story, this was hers. The only way I could know what she needed from me, was for her to tell me. Teens aren’t very good at sharing to begin with. If you are doing all the talking, you are never going know what’s going on in that head.

2.       DO NOT say hurtful things. If you already did, apologize. Telling her she is stupid or irresponsible, or inconsiderate, or a disappointment, or a whore or slut or a million other terrible things changes nothing. She is still your daughter and she is still pregnant. You being pissed and saying hurtful, unnecessary things won’t make her less pregnant. It only destroys your relationship with your child.

Of course, you are upset and there are things you need to say. Say them privately to someone who you trust to not say anything. Talk to your spouse or a therapist or your friends. Just be sure that you don’t allow your child to hear you vent. What you feel in the heat of the moment may be completely different than what you feel when you have had time to think about it.

3.       Be prepared for the judgment and negative talk. This is especially true if you live in a small southern town. Regardless of her decisions or your support or lack thereof, someone will disagree with you. They will say you are making bad choices. Their kids can no longer hang around with your kids (apparently pregnancy is contagious or something). It will be heartbreaking, but you will survive. Do not let other people’s opinions make your choices. Do not let someone’s negativity steal your joy. It’s not fair to you, your children, or your future grandchildren.

4.       Have the difficult talk early. The one where you discuss adoption, abortion and all the options. This is not a fun talk. Realistically, teens are not emotionally mature enough to make these decisions. You have to be there to talk to them and explain all of the options and consequences of each of those choices. Abortion is not an option for our family, but it was a question I asked anyway. The reality is, it isn’t my choice. It’s not my body or my future or my heartbreak. Thankfully, it wasn’t the choice she made. Neither was adoption.

Once you have had the conversation and your daughter has made a choice, it is time to talk about things like school, doctors, college, and future plans. Have these talks early and often. Things are constantly changing and plans can be adjusted, but communication is a must. Pretending like she’s not pregnant for 9 months doesn’t help anyone.

This journey is going to be a tough one. There are so many options and opinions and choices that it can make your head spin off. There are hormones and mood swings and fear and anxiety. Your world will be turned upside down. If you decide to love your daughter or son through this, it will work out. There will be heartbreak and you will grieve for the childhood that is lost; but you get to watch your young lady grow into a mother. You will have an opportunity to experience a great blessing that each child is.

And if you decide that you want to disown your kid and kick them out, please know that I think you are a piece of shit. Just wanted you to know. J

Linked up at the Following Blogs:

This Momma's Rambling - Turn it Up Tuesday
A Momma's Story  - Momma Moments Monday